just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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