Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
