walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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