I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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