dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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