I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't deserve a penis
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
