my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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