ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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