There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
