I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
