God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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