He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Randomize
