My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
