At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
