I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
