He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
