I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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