so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
