the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
