she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
