I can feel you judging me through the phone.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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