i can't believe i had my finger in that
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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