I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
