What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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