I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
