I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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