I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
