Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
