I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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