i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
