i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
