im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize