Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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