I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
