remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
