Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This is classic penis vs brain.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
