Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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