I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
