So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
