And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
