I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
