Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
