Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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