12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
