We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
farters have to be the big spoon...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
