Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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