Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
