Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I'm, like, this ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ close to buying crocs
And you're also ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
