Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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