...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
someone threw a dead crab at me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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