shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
