Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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