Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
