Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
