My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
