just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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