I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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