so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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