haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
