my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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