how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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