trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
