i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
