You can't special order awesome
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
