My first STD was from a foam party
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
