Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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