Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
