don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.