oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...