Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
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I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
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....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.