Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.