So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE