I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex