Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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