Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
