So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
