When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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