i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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